Someone asked me the other day if I was “recovered” from my eating disorder. I paused a minute, and then flippantly uttered “hmm probably like 90% I suppose…95% on a good day” before slurping on my overpriced latte. Since that encounter, I’ve been thinking about their question a lot. What does being “recovered” mean? AmContinue reading “90% recovered…95% on a good day.”
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EDAW ’22 – reflections
I’ve been debating adding my voice to the conversation around EDAW22, partially because I fear I have nothing to add, and partially because it is such a small part of my identity these days and I wish to keep it that way. However, after a rough few months I wish to reflect – albeit inContinue reading “EDAW ’22 – reflections”
Is body positivity problematic?
As I spend another lockdown night mindlessly scrolling through the depths of instagram, I am once more bombarded with an influx of body positivity posts. Instagram influencers sharing before and after pictures, proudly exposing their stomach rolls and cellulite for the world to see. As a loud-and-proud feminist and an eating disorder survivor, you wouldContinue reading “Is body positivity problematic?”
Alone, but not lonely – autism in adolesence.
Alone is a word I often associate with my life. Not alone in the sense of being isolated; I am in a long term relationship & have a handful of wonderfully strange friends. I’m referring to “alone” as a state of solitude, the teen drama movie cliché of feeling “alone in a room full ofContinue reading “Alone, but not lonely – autism in adolesence.”
How can you miss something so detrimental?
I often find myself in disbelief- that I can miss something that caused me so much pain. It feels like yearning the loss of an abusive relationship, all the while looking back through rose-tinted glasses. Not dissimilar to an alcoholic, I find myself craving the very thing that almost killed me, not because I amContinue reading “How can you miss something so detrimental?”
Happy anniversary, therapy.
As a civilized, functioning (semi functioning?) member of society, one is expected to constantly adapt to ones surroundings; to become a reluctant chameleon, if you will. Perhaps I can pull the Autism card here, but seldom have I found myself able to efficiently navigate my way around a new set of people and circumstances withoutContinue reading “Happy anniversary, therapy.”
Awareness is not enough.
It is not acceptable to wear yellow for a day, or to post some non-sensical quote on Instagram, pasted into an ornate floral border, all the while shunning the mental illnesses societally deemed less palatable- the complex (and often lifelong) diagnosis that renders you unable to function on a day to day basis. The illnessContinue reading “Awareness is not enough.”
A letter to my past self
A year’s work, slowly undulating into place. My edges, once worn and haggard, clumsily framing my pallid complexion, now complete, yet beautifully threadbare. This body. This chateau where my soul dwells is a comfort to me. Fragments of liberty I have not yet experienced. Oppression is no more. You. You have worked so tirelessly toContinue reading “A letter to my past self”
memoirs of a psych ward
I wake up, my hazy brain unable to comprehend how I have ended up here. The nurse doggedly insists that I get out of bed, as the sunlight searing through the barred windows taunts me. I ram my thumb in between my shoulder blades, in a futile attempt to iron out the creases my musclesContinue reading “memoirs of a psych ward”
Why aren’t you drinking?
I find myself at a party, swimming in a sea of people humouring one another with small talk. I’ve successfully masked all my anxieties, furiously suppressing them, lest they threaten to disrupt the façade I have so carefully curated over the years. “Why aren’t you drinking?”, as a unnervingly chirpy guy glances at theContinue reading “Why aren’t you drinking?”
Recovery and Rainbows 